A NICU mom

Being a NICU mom means having my phone on loud at all times and jumping when it's the hospital, being thankful for a window room to have a peak at the outside world but trying to keep the shades down so it stays dark for my light sensitive little babe, yearning for the normalcy of picking our daughter up when I want - not connected to cords & a ventilator. It's counting the seconds that seem like hours when her heart rate or oxygen saturation drops. It's having no sense of time in bliss when I'm holding her. Being a NICU mom means mascara is a distant memory of the past...and the 5 times I've tried to wear it I've cried it off. Being a NIC mom means having life chats with my new nurse friends...the ones who have walked through this journey with us every step of the way, cried with us through the hard days, colored pictures to decorate her door, made crafts with her footprints and handprints and are continuing to serve our girl daily. Being a NICU mom means having a constant desire to be with all my family members in one place and praying for the reality of that day. It's never wanting to leave our babe at the hospital & simultaneously wanting to spend time at home with our oldest child. It's never wanting to walk in a hospital ever again but also beyond thankful for the resources there. Not being sure of if/when we will get to take our girl home, and asking God for that request to be yes! Being a NICU mom is being thankful for every milestone - every little step. Being a NICU mom means becoming a part of the NICU family - a family you never chose to be a part of, but one that's changed me forever.