How To Love Your Neighbor In The NICU
I once heard a story of a mama in Texas who specifically changed from breastfeeding to formula feeding because she realized her baby had less diapers that way, and she knew it would save their family money in the end. My heart broke.
NICU families come from all different backgrounds and layers.
For some, financial issues are not at the forefront and they are able to easily buy fast food meals through their hospital time. However, just because they CAN afford to do something doesn’t mean they WILL. Most days I’d look at the clock around 3 o’clock in the afternoon or feel my stomach rumbling because I hadn't yet thought about lunch.
For most families, financial stress is at the forefront due to the pile of medical bills and they have no community for a meal train. This is why we serve family dinner meals for families putting one foot in front of the other, why we donate gas cards for families struggling to make ends meet, why we offer to help pay for parking and more.
Our goal is to spread the word on how you can serve NICU families in very simple and practical ways.
I’m often asked, “I know someone in the NICU, what can we do for them?” Our goal through this blog is to share practical and intentional ways to both serve and gift a family.
Regardless of whether you think so or not, you will have a connection with a NICU family at some point in your life.
Where will you see NICU families?
It may be the woman checking you out at the grocery store. SHE may be the NICU mom who's at work while her baby's at the hospital that you need to love.
…It may be your sister.
…It may be your friend from college.
…It may be your bank teller who seems a bit distracted - he is a NICU dad waiting to get off work and go visit his child.
…It may be a couple in your church who you don't know super well.
As believers, we are always called to look OUT at others lives and see how we can serve them as Jesus did.
A meal is a kind gesture, but I believe we are called to more.
I'm not saying a meal isn't enough, but I am saying that there are
many practical, intentional ways to serve & gift others who are hurting.
Ultimately, when someone is in the hospital with their child, it is a part of their story they will always remember - no matter if it's for a day, a week, a month, or a year.
What can you do to make their day a little brighter, load a bit lighter and feeling a little more seen?
A few notes:
When in doubt of what to say, sending messages or a note with scripture were the greatest gifts for me.
If you have a few minutes while talking with them, it will mean so much to them to hear: “Walk me through your day..can you tell me what’s specifically hardest for you right now/today?”
Listen for ways you can step in since every family needs are so different.
Ways to Gift a NICU family:
Germ X - a squirt bottle for their car, small bottle for their bag
Drop Paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent on their doorstep - think about baby brand detergent too if he/she is able to wear clothes
Amazon prime membership - save them trips to the store for items they need
Shipt membership - grocery delivery was one of the biggest gifts to us in that season
A comfy blanket - hospitals are cold
Warm socks with a design that might make them laugh - every parent needs an excuse to smile & it’s nice to be able to take your shoes off and wear socks when you’re sitting for a long time
Cute scrapbook paper or any craft/item to use to capture their baby’s footprints
Scented pillow spray, soap or shampoo body wash, new bedsheets - Bring extra relaxation to them since sleep is minimal/showering is typically rushed...you can’t necessarily give parents sleep, but you can give comfort!
Non scented hand lotions - Hands dry out from washing so much. Non-scented lotion is preferred when around the tiny babies
A big water bottle - caregivers don’t necessarily have quick access to a water fountain, so a big water bottle is so helpful to have on hand, giving more time with your babe & helping with dehydration
A journal & pen - if you’re close with the mama, encourage her to write down her thoughts & feels..it helped me process so much & now is helpful when remembering details along the way
A rechargeable phone case - enough said..my phone was on low battery for 5 months straight
Swaddle blankets - once the parents are able to hold, cute swaddle blankets are so much more homey than hospital blankets
Quarters for random vending machine snacks
A picture colored to brighten the unit room - Whether you’re 4 or 47, coloring pictures is good for the soul, and they made our room so much more happy
Something festive to wear or decorate with the baby if they are in the hospital for a holiday
Phone wipes to clean their phone
Bath soap & soft washcloths for their baby’s first bath
Printed & framed verses/encouraging quote
Printed photos from what they have shared with you or online & have them delivered/framed
Personalized necklace - bracelets are sweet but have to be taken on & off to scrub in
A shirt/sweatshirt/water bottle/coffee thermos with truth on it
A personalized burp cloth/bib if the baby takes bottles
A file folder for countless sheets of paperwork & handouts receiveed
Take the mother or father out for a meal or activity when they want to get out
If “home” is clearly in the future, offer to help organize in the nursery or offer to put a bow on their mailbox
If they didn’t get to their baby shower due to their preterm delivery, find a creative way to do a delayed one virtually or by having all items magically on display in their house one day
Ways to SERVE a NICU family:
Ask if you can take their dirty laundry pile & bring it back clean if you’re close enough to do this for them
Ask if you can come in their house while they’re gone & do their dishes/house tasks
Offer to have their house cleaned
Ask what they want from a coffee shop, and physically deliver to them wherever they are
Decorate the outside of their house/mailbox/front door for a holiday
Gather their mail/newspaper & put on their front door step
Walk/run their dog
Take their trash to the street
Make a list of their family grocery staples & fill their fridge/pantry
Ask if there is a way you can help pay for their parking
Take their car to get an oil change
Drive them to & from the unit - if they are comfortable with that! I remember thinking how nice it would be to not have to drive that same commute over & over by myself..to have someone to process/chat with
Pre-cut & organized pieces to make an age appropriate holiday/seasonal craft with their other kids
Send them snail mail
If the baby is allowed to wear clothes - an open gown that snaps or buttons up the belly so the cords can hang out the bottom: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WDKQLPS/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_api_glt_i_CN1Y 9EC6E68VCW4B455N?psc=1
Food Notes:
DoorDash/Ubereats - meal delivery was a quick awesome gift to receive food wherever we were & anytime of day/night without coordinating!
Hot meals & Frozen meals are both gifts in different ways delivered to the doorstep of their home.
Bagged salad that can be eaten when needed, pre-cut fruit, homemade snack mix, breakfast muffins or casserole that can be thawed are all great!
A microwave isn’t always accessible, so pasta salad or cold options are also helpful.
Pack in Tupperware or containers that they do not need to return to you. Meals are typically scarfed down or eaten on the go.
If you give takeout, throw in some extra plastic silverware that they can use the next time they pack leftovers.
Put the date of food delivery taped to the container so they can remember how long it’s been in their fridge. I got food poisoning once during our journey because I ate old food without having a sense of time for how long it had been sitting there.
Whenever you’re cooking an easy casserole, soup or muffin recipe that you can double - DOUBLE IT & then freeze for them or immediately take & deliver
Always remember that most often, a huge rush of meals happens at the beginning of a hard family situation. If the family has a meal train, note when it ends, and start a second one if their time in the unit continues longer. It is never too late to deliver a meal to a family, and it often can mean even more when it is an unexpected surprise!
If you don’t have time to cook: Venmo them money for a meal!
Give snacks with protein - a stash for their car because mealtimes are random...I typically scarfed down a granola bar on my way to/from their housing. Also include kid friendly options if they have other kids.
For the pumping/breastfeeding mama: Oatmeal, Lactation cookies/bars (without the ingredient fenugreek), chocolate covered almonds, Pumping storage bags, Body Armor drinks, any kind of homemade or store bought “Mommy’s superfoods bars/cookies” are amazing!!!
If they have other kids at home:
A new toy or new seasonal clothes for their older kids
Offer to pick up from school and/or drive to activities
Host the kids for an extended playdate & feed their kids while the parents spend alone time together with their babe
Sit at their house at night while the younger kids are asleep & let them go to the unit, run an errand, have a date night etc.
Find out the older kids interest and deliver weekly library books or activities in that category
If you feel at a loss of what to do or say to a hurting family, know that compassion and empathy speaks volumes. While you’re pumping gas, waiting for your grocery pickup order, or stirring your pasta for dinner, pray for them and then text them you just prayed for them. Even if they don’t respond, text them again intentionally within a week to tell them you are thinking of them with an encouraging verse.
Our why? We loved because HE loved. We serve because HE served. We show compassion because HE showed compassion.
2 Corinthians 3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
We pray the family you have in mind feels God so near in the midst of their deep valley. We know our compassionate shepherd is with them every step of the way.
